When we doubt

It happens everyday, sometimes it encompasses the whole day. I can say from my own experience, it is usually wrong and holds back my growth.

How do I overcome my self doubt? Prayer, people and review.

Pray is the most powerful weapon to fight doubt. God has no desire for us to live in fear and failure. He is always listening. But am I listening to Him? That is the key.

People can either feed my doubt or walk me through it. Those that tear us down, criticize and do not offer support are only keeping is from moving forward. Those how listen, empathize or sympathize, offer love and compassion and accept us as we are give us the lift we need to over come.

When I review how the ability I doubt has performed in the past, many times it shows the false reality of my doubting.

We need God, people who authentically support us and unbiased review.

#orangistruth

Do not accept the propaganda

We all have fear. Period. It is a struggle to honestly face our fears. Others project their fears on us which makes it even more difficult to overcome our own.

But the truth is that when others lash out, stand firm in your own love of self and refuse to acknowledge them, quietly yet with conviction.

With every acknowledgement that we are not are others sometimes portray us because of their fears, we grow stronger, more empathic and peaceful.

We are all highly valuable. We all deserve unconditional acceptance. Don’t settle for anything less.

#orangeistruth

Crazy 8 or Figure 8

8 year chip

Observation and reflection seem to be at the top of my mind over that past several weeks.   Today marks 8 years of sobriety.  While some might say congrats or nice job or good for you, but it truly is a celebration of personal responsibility.  It is accounting for the damage done, the amends made, humility accepted and God’s direction at the front of everyday.  That is the tall task.  That is the responsibility of sobriety.  It is far less about not drinking, but about continuing the life long process of clearing out the old debris of the past that has caused a need to self-medicate, living present each and every day to be keenly aware of those old faults that can send me into the old spiral and giving back to who I can serve now and in the future.  It is about being cognoscente of people’s pain.  Keeping ego in check as to prevent steam rolling other out of my need to be recognized.  Appreciating what I have verses what I wish I had.  Loving intensely those who have granted me their friendship and loyalty, my family and clients.  Who are trusting me to guide them, be their friend and teammate.

Life still can be either a crazy 8 or a beautiful figure 8.  But no matter which it is on any given day, there is so much to be grateful for.  Even the smallest of things like the first cup of coffee in the morning or the fresh smell of the desert air after a rain.

Eight years is a milestone and a dangerous time.  Observation and reflection are so necessary to keep me grounded and aware that life and sobriety are fragile.  Only with God’s help do I live life one day at a time.  I am blessed beyond measure.  I am hopeful that my experiences, failures and victories can be an example to help others that are desperately in need of hope, joy and recovery.

Tenth Step Amends Prayer

“God, please forgive me for my failings today. I know that because of my failings, I was not able to be as effective as I could have been for you. Please forgive me and help me live thy will better today.  I ask you now to show me how to correct the errors I have just outlined. Guide me and direct me. Please remove my arrogance and my fear. Show me how to make my relationships right and grant me the humility and strength to do thy will.”(86:1)

Thanksgiving: A Pathway out of Insanity

Thanksgiving. An American tradition. Massive meals, prequel to ridiculous shopping, hectic travel and the darkness of isolation. What? Yes, isolation. Busyness, the true escape from reality. We surround ourselves with people, work feverishly to clean, cook, make small talk, shop, fight crowds and in the end can be exhausted physically and emotionally. Sound like insanity repeated year after year.

A different perspective? A pathway out. The name of the holiday is the definition of the way out of darkness and insanity. Thanksgiving, gratitude, giving, reflecting on the infinite blessings poured on us. I know if I reflect, I could write a gratitude list a mile long. A sample would be, the color orange, sunrise, sunset, clothing, food, shelter, faith, forgiveness, sobriety, the gym, kids, new friends and on and on.

Instead of living in the cycles that pull us into our darkness, focus daily on the blessings. Write them down. Savor the moment. Thank our Creator for your calling and gifts. It can be liberating.

#orangeistruth

Whose your hero?

Mother’s Day! A day that really does not due justice for mom’s. It is a day laden with commercialism, obligation and at times remorse. It is the scapegoat for 364 days of the forgotten hero’s mom’s are. You see, while we hold up in the limelight the hero’s of history, and rightfully so, we forget about what true heroism is and how our mothers are truly hero’s everyday. Being a hero is all about courage and facing the onslaught of fear that grips us from the moment we get up in the morning, to the last blink before we fall asleep. And, even in our dreams fear can grip us.

So as far as the definition of a hero goes, my choice is a mom, my mom, Corice Jasper. Mom’s are the queens of worry. My mom has been mom to so many! Obviously to me and Amy Jasper. Even though we get irritated at her line of questioning, concern and worry, we are blessed to have such a pray warrior and hero in our corner.

Also, mom was mom to dad. Making sure he was fed, being a pillar of support both in life and in faith, taking care of him in good and in bad, in great health and in his last days. Setting aside her own fears to heroically be strong.

Mom is mom to her grandchildren, Taylor Jasper and Kylie Jasper. From their births, through colic, sickness, joys and heartache, mom set aside her own needs to mother these precious gifts. Mom is the listing ear, the gentle scolding and the unconditional love that her grandchildren need. A safe haven. She has had to set aside her fears about their futures to be support today. At a beckoned call.

Mom is mom to her brothers, Paul Kranz and Curt Kranz. Guiding and leading. Caring and offering tough love. But, no matter what, loyal to the end.

Mom was mom to her parents and dad’s parents. Giving sacrificially to their care and service. Driving hours monthly, nursing them in their twilight years with unsurpassed love. Sacrificing her own desires for the sake of their needs.

Mom has been mom to her nieces and nephews. Even when she has not had contact with them, she cares about their well being, their health, their joy and sorrow. Stephen Kranz Paula Broadwell MikeandLori Kranz Clark Kranz Chuck Kranz Scott Sternberg Stephen Beckström-Sternberg Lisa Mullin Annette Sternberg Benavides

Mom has been mom to many, many of her close friends. Giving them their shots, listening to their grief, sadness, joy and fears. She has been a regular visitor of those friends shut in, bring meals and loading her car trunk with their junk!

My mom is a fiercely independent woman. While none of us are saints, she, in her imperfect perfection, has lived a giving life for us all. Thank you mom.

#jayjasper

#orangeistruth

Checking out is more than a plane ticket

There a so much talk about work/life balance. The thought is that it is vital to higher productivity, mental and physical health and strengthening of relationships sounds great!

I have avoided detaching from business, routine life and relaxation most of my life. There were always excuses; the big project or deal will fall apart, clients will go so,where else, I will miss opportunity…. but this was a false narrative that I learned innocently from my father. He “selflessly” worked non-stop; when very young, trips to my mom’s parents, when I as older, trips with my mom to Europe. It does matter what the reason, true or not, he was a working martyr .

So, as we all learn from the behavior of those of influence around us, I too, have lived as a working martyr. I may have gone on more “vacations”, played more golf rounds, but the sword of the work battle was always by my side.

Why?

Fear and lack of trust. Fear that all will fail, fear that I was not deserving, fear of what others might think. And lack of trust? Not trusting those around me to take care of things, fear that all would be free track upon my return, fear.

Today, I sit by the ocean. Disconnected (more than usual) from the routine. Life is going on. I have learned to trust my teammates, trust my clients and acknowledge that it is okay to disconnect. Will there be a challenge or two to take care of when I return? Of course. But no scorched earth.

The ego driven fear and lack of trust that holds us in our cycles of life is far more destructive then the small hiccups from disconnecting.

I am happy I have. It still a long road, but as time goes by, the road is getting shorted. Now is the time to take a detour or two ant breath.

#orangeistruth

Strength

People talk abut how strong they are or how strong others are, but what does that really mean? Is it the strength to fight against injustice or to stand for a belief? Is it the strength to endure pain or suffering or loss? Is it the strength to triumph in a quest or competition? All are a variety of strengths but all are driven by fears known and unknown.

True strength is deeply rooted in an unwavering faith in ourselves, granted to us by God to succeed in the calling or internal directive that aligns with our purpose. Our purpose will be different for each of us individually. Our purpose can appear in many disguises like business, relationships, health, heartache, faith; the list is endless. Observe what your purpose is not only in the long run, but also in the smallest of daily events.

#orangeistruth

#jayjasper

Trust

I marvel at those who appear to have an abundance of friends. As I get older, key relationships and friendships become wholly dependent on trust.

To find those we can trust on an intimate level takes as much trust in ourselves as it does trust in others. First impressions can tell us as much about a person as would 100 questions.

Therein lies the need to trust ourselves.

#orangeistruth